Actually now that I think about it, its probably been a very long time since I did a semi-insomniac entry. Like over three years. Well anyway here we go...angst, nostalgia trip and such. No set track of topic and such, just whats on my mind.
I go back to university on Monday. To start my final year, I'm very confident in what I've planned for myself (We get to design our own projects) so that is good
I've got a lot of it work and researched already. Good thing too, I only realized when they posted the new timetable for our year that we have only two months to get our BA7 together. I'm for a first so one day I can go and do a masters degree, but I'll likely take an year or two out when I graduate to get an apprenticeship in tech (Repairing computers, setting up networks and the like) and keep working on my art stuff on the side. So I've got some form of plan set out for myself.
I guess the only thing bothering me about uni, is not the work but more the fact that this is it on a social level. Nope nothing to do with all the "Real world" bullshit I hear constantly or that I could fail, not make the grade etc, but I won't. I'll drag that first kicking and screaming out of me if I have to. I've never been academically gifted with the exception of being an A* student in GCSE History back in High School. But anyway the social level. With uni I feel two things usually one is the positive thing: That I've worked hard, maybe not to the best of my ability sometimes and maybe I've been distracted but I've always put in the work and of course that leads to the negative stuff. I've really neglected doing social side of stuff recently (In regards to the course) So I want to do more stuff this year, with my home situation and home location this often not very easy, so I guess I shouldn't get too disheartened. 2013 (My first year) was probably one of the greatest years of my life I look on the 2014/15 that can go either way of the scale rather dramatically. I'm worried I'll get too wrapped up in my work, but at the same time I don't know if I can keep up with the social engagements I wish I had taken advantage of now over mainly the last year (I spent it mainly being depressed over someone, terrorized by another and just has been generally meh).
I keep thinking back to college, and how eager I was to have my fourth year over and done with and just one way or the other wanted out. I would feel pretentious to say I was a different person back then. But they're the first words that come to mind. I think in some ways (Emphasis on the "Some") I've grown up. I've realized my priorities and my outlooks. Things the really used to get to me not so long ago no longer bother me. And yet I kinda miss it when they did. I miss they days I'd listen to nothing but Type O Negative's album October Rust and think its was one of the most amazing pieces of music that I'd found, walking through the snow to a girlfriends house at the time listening to "Die with Me" and The Big Bang Theory being funny
. When I could channel all my angst through KMFDM (I still listen to both bands but not as much, they're mostly nostalgia trips now). I do like how my music taste has chilled out a bit, but I do miss the passion and ferocity of my old bands.
I've hit that stage where talking to someone who is seventeen in confusing and I have no idea what the hell they're talking about in terms of music and or media. Or why they find something funny "How to basic" Just make raise and eyebrow and make me realize I've become that "old" guy. Although its funny when said seventeen year old thinks you're old. See I have done this little thing ever since I was twelve I guess, where I just imagine what I'll be like when I'm say 18 or something. I think 22 was the highest age I got to. To be quite honest my speculations were a LOT more pessimistic than the outcome. Which is in fact better than any of my imaginary scenarios, not because its more positive but because things ended up so differently to what I imagined. I do would to know what my past self would say to me in the end. And I'd probably give a ton of advice that'd fuck over causality and the like and knowing me I wouldn't listen anyway. Either way I think the grander scheme of the parallel universe theory thing, I came out alright
Well I think that is me done for now.